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• to what I went thru with my ex. He knew, he didn't know, he wasn't sure, it was about me, it wasn't about me, it was about him, it was about HIM! ultimately he decided he didn't want to do the work on himself, and he was told by the therapist that to have a truly successful relationship, he was going to need to look into his ingrained patterns of resentment, anger, fear, and emotional withholding. he decided he did not want to do that. he said, like you, that "the part of him that dies" (to use your phraseology) is the part of him that gives him his edge. he couldn't letting go of that part of him. he couldn't that he could have AND his edge. things you say sound a lot like what he says. i think you are doing far more questioning about "the part of you that dies" than he ever has. so i just anticipate you continue to work on this issue, questioning yourself and your satisfaction level, until you come to terms with something: either it IS you, and there is something to "the part of you that dies" that can be healed/grown/etc., resulting in an expansion of your personality, or it is STILL about you, but you want to find someone that minimizes the part of you that dies (TPOYTD). I think he (my ex) was so uncomfortable thinking about change/growth/expansion that he was happier giving up a year relationship than looking into himself and seeing the ways in which he could grow to keep the relationship growing. it's like we hit a wall. maybe you hit walls as well, when things get too close, and you experience it as TPOYTD. don't close yourself off to is all i'm saying. try to find out if TPOYTD is something that HELP you achieve all you want, or is actually holding you back. it feel good and right but is it really your ally? maybe it's a left-over pattern you don't need anymore, but you know it so well that whenever it is challenged, you literally experience it as a death. that's how much fear be behind change, or letting go of comfortable patterns. again, i'm totally projecting MY experience from my ex onto you and the things you've said. i be totally off-base but some of what you've written feels very familiar to me. Meet Fuck Buddy in Vermont MILF Chubby w4m
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